Madness

Back to daily journaling.  How does one get to inner peace?

A family member (NOT Mitchell) was mad and has yet to work it out with me.
I needed to work it out myself, didn’t want the energy swirling around in my head anymore, and so painted and wrote about it in my Endings and Beginnings journal.
I find getting things out on paper is almost as good as working them out in person in
one way — Mind keeps running it around and around then you put it on paper and
it is as if it says, “Okay, said that already, several times in several ways” and shuts up.
It doesn’t take away the hurt — that may take time — but it stops monkeymind cold.

Mad, meaning terribly angry, not a small tiff, is akin to madness in so many ways.
You lose your mind, and if you don’t come back then you have possibly lost it for good (?).
Mad is a closed heart.  Mad is staying in your monkeymind.
Mad is not allowing tathagatagarbha to reveal itself.
Mad is forgetting you love the one in front of you, even if you are pissed.

From a post on the Lojong:
Tathagatagarbha is the seed of awakening present in yourself, or, the Buddha within.  Mine dwelled in the woundings, which was covered up over many years of defenses and booze, and knee-jerk reactions.  It was vulnerability, a soft spot, and in a world of defended angry people, it was hard to let that soft spot lead.”
This family member stopped at a well-developed ego and never let go to explore
how letting that soft spot lead was a good thing, and would not kill him.

He is alive so I won’t publish what I wrote.  It is my only rule.

w16-12-27-nost-sdb-1

©D. Katie Powell.  My images/blog posts may be reposted; please link back to zenkatwrites.  Art (unless stated) is also by me; please link to dkatiepowellart.

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About dkatiepowellart

hollywood baby turned beach gurl turned steel&glass city gurl turned cowgurl turned herb gurl turned green city gurl. . . artist writer photographer. . . cat lover but misses our big dogs, gone to heaven. . . buddhist and interested in the study of spiritual traditions. . . foodie, organic, lover of all things mik, partner in conservation business mpfconservation, consummate blogger, making a dream happen, insomniac who is either reading buddhist teachings or not-so-bloody mysteries or autobio journal thangs early in the morning when i can't sleep
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11 Responses to Madness

  1. loisajay says:

    Ugh. Life is so short. Get over it and get on with it, people. I do like this painting, though.

    • Thanks on the painting….
      I certainly believe in that one. We do in our marriage — though we don’t ever quite get to really angry — usually a stupid spat and realize we are too tired or too worried/stressed about this or that….

  2. Liz En says:

    Ever since I realized frustration was actually anger, I’ve been working on ways to loosen the grip these negative feelings have on me.
    One of my favorite quotes about anger is from Mark Twain:
    Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
    I went back and read your lojong post, and found this:
    ” they . . . do not have the gift of these teachings to open them up to a different response”
    Your family member is trapped and suffers. You have tools to work towards inner peace. They might not even realize what the true problem is. This is an opportunity to embrace compassion and detachment.

    • Yes. That is what I have to do, and why the anger is not (nor ever was) in me in this instance.
      It is why I say “There is a hurt man in that anger” on the painting, which is part of my writing. If he were not alive I’d share the whole process of writing it out with you all.
      And btw, this one has all that information… Just can’t let go into the fear to move across the abyss.

  3. Dan Antion says:

    Anger is the most self-destructive emotion. We go past anger for our own good, not the good of others. I hope he sees that at some point.

  4. joey says:

    Valuable insight. Monkey mind, rage, not remembering love, all quite human, but not the best of ourselves. I kept angry journals years ago. I mean, I still have them, but I used to write my anger all in one book and put the nice stuff in another. But life is ebb and flow, and it’s not helpful to divide the feelings, but rather to surf through them as they come.

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