The Death You Die When They Do (Another Lesson In The Grief Valley)

Excellent writing, and a startling reframing of The idea that when someone dies, a part of you die with them.

john pavlovitz


At one time or another you’ve probably heard someone say, that when a person you love dies, a part of you dies too.

I used to think that was just a beautiful figure of speech, a touching poetic image that spoke symbolically to the depth of our profound sadness and loss.

That is, until this week, when I died.

My father passed away suddenly nearly two years ago, and I’ve written a great deal here about the road I’ve traveled since then. It’s one that’s meandered from the night-time depths of heaving sobs, to sweet sunrise moments of incredible gratitude. Most of the time I’ve naturally grieved his loss from my life; the absence replacing his presence.

Recently though, I came face to face with the me who also left for good, on the day that he did.

Over the course of our 44 years together, my dad and I did lots of really great stuff—just the two of us…

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About dkatiepowellart

hollywood baby turned beach gurl turned steel&glass city gurl turned cowgurl turned herb gurl turned green city gurl. . . artist writer photographer. . . cat lover but misses our big dogs, gone to heaven. . . buddhist and interested in the study of spiritual traditions. . . foodie, organic, lover of all things mik, partner in conservation business mpfconservation, consummate blogger, making a dream happen, insomniac who is either reading buddhist teachings or not-so-bloody mysteries or autobio journal thangs early in the morning when i can't sleep
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4 Responses to The Death You Die When They Do (Another Lesson In The Grief Valley)

  1. susanissima says:

    Losing someone is a screaming silence, an ache that never goes away completely, like a missing limb…but we still have our sweet memories, as John Pavlovitz freely shares. So all is not lost. The cup is still mostly full.

  2. I see it as a loss of a shared remembrance. When someone dies, your are left with a one-sided memory.

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