A is for Addiction (and, Alcoholism)

I was quiet about my addiction for many years except among close friends and family.  Then a couple of years ago I realized it was like so many things, that those with courage needed to bring it out of the closet so it would no longer have the stigmatism of all dark, shadowy, hidden, terrible diseases, which seems to go hand-in-hand with misinformation.  My topic today will be on some of that misinformation.  I am not a doctor, but a highly informed SOBER addict — MANY years sober.

W DTX 1995 2 CLR DKPWhat prompted my choice for “A” (besides being able to write this in my sleep) is a family member writing to me about a miracle cure, a drug that you can give alcoholics to cure their disease.  I am the go-to gal in our family about addiction, having stayed sober for almost half my life now and being willing to talk about.  Having just buried my brother, who died of alcoholism, also helps, in that it is a hot topic in our family.

Six Misconceptions:

1)    THERE ARE NO DRUGS WHICH CURE ADDICTION BY THEMSELVES.  Alcoholism is a disease that involves a HIGHLY addictive substance and a diseased mind with a propensity to become addicted.  There are drugs which may help you stop drinking (temporarily) and this may clear the brain fog to allow helpful information to enter.  But there is no drug which cures addiction.

2)  The 12 STEP PROGRAM WORKS, AND IS NOT ABOUT G-O-D.  It is why Alcoholic Anonymous is superior to rehab clinics.  It is about busting the alcoholic ego down to size, which is why you need to turn it over to a higher authority.  For many that is God.  But for the sake of the program, it can be finding a good sponsor and doing what they tell you to do.  Trust is important, and so, picking a good sponsor to work the program is also.

Alcoholic egos are driven by their belief in their ability to make all things happen — they have the power, the control  in their lives.  When things go wrong it is never their fault, but someone else’s fault.  Many live in the past, blaming people from years gone by for events which are happening now. Adult sober people don’t do this.  They don’t blame the way they were raised for their marriage falling apart at 50-years-old.  Yes, everything in life contributes for who you are, but a sober adult gets help when things are going wrong.

Even if those around them can see how their pushing the river the same old way isn’t getting them anywhere fast, and booze is taking them out, they can’t see it.  Alcohol somehow bolsters the alcoholic logic, masks the mechanism in the mind for clarity, soothes the pain and tricks them into believing they are okay as they are walking firmly into certain death.  They need to see how they don’t have the control, how life happens, which is frightening.  This is said very simplistically, but it is what’s so about the boozy mind.

I have asked those I sponsored to look for one incident everyday and write it down, whereby they were given a gift or something nice happened and they did nothing to create that happening.  For some, the first thing they spoke to me about was someone saving their life by knocking on their door when they were dying of pills or alcohol.  But it can be a warm phone call at the right time, flowers given freely, or “buy-you-a-cup-of-coffee?”  The point is that the nice event happened without the addict orchestrating it.  When an addict begins to see these daily, it is another way for them to let go of having to control everything.

If you are in a big city, it is easier to find meetings which are for atheists, or Buddhists (where the g-o-d word is not as predominate), or even goddess or nature oriented meetings.  In a small community it may be hard to impossible to find such meetings, but if you stand up at a meeting and ask for a sponsor that can discuss the 12-step program without the g-o-d word you should find someone.  I have sponsored such folks successfully without mentioning Buddhism or God, but finding out their language and speaking the words they needed to relate to while giving up control.

W DTX 1995 133)   IT TAKES A VILLAGE.  I have tried unsuccessfully to help a family member out who was drowning in his addiction, and I am adept.  You alone can’t do an intervention.  It takes everyone in the family, and many good friends, to band together so the addict is hearing this from everyone.  Even then it may not work (see #4 below.)  No one should agree to the addicts lies, everyone should tell them how her/his drinking is effecting them personally when asked, no one should drink with them.  Call the cops if the alcoholic is leaving drunk and you can’t hide the keys.  (Otherwise you are culpable for the drunk driving.)  A DUI is a big deal, but then, maiming someone (one of my nephews was hit by a drunk) or killing someone is a much bigger deal.  DUI’s can be wake-up calls.  The caller won’t be popular.  If you want to help someone stop drinking be prepared not to be popular with the addict.

I recommend everyone go to an open meeting of AA (where non-alcoholics can visit) to see first hand what AA is all about.

4)   BOTTOMING OUT is different for everyone.  I was lucky — or a bit more conscious — and had a shrink that knew a good bit about addiction and told me I was an accident waiting to happen.  I had years of meditation under my belt, so could “hear” my mind running its number.  I saw the warning signs as I was stepping into it.  For most, it is a DUI (with their family/friends truthful support), divorce, losing custody due to drugs/booze, causing bodily harm, killing someone or a near death themselves.  Again, it takes a village to not let them cop out during a time of bottoming out.  Learn about co-dependency and enabling (which I will write about on “E.”)

5)  Do not let someone who drinks a great deal detox outside a facility.  Heroin and Cocaine may make you want to kill yourself during detox, but coming clean off a great deal of booze can kill you dead.  I can’t speak to why — ask a doctor — but it has to do with blood sugar and liver.  Detoxing from a case of beer a day can kill you.  Continuing to drink a case of beer a day will give you esophageal cancer.  Think about it.

6)   IF THEY ARE WORKING THE PROGRAM AND COME TO YOU TO DO STEP FOUR:  Set aside time and LISTEN.  Don’t brush them off as if it doesn’t matter.  Let them tell you what they remember doing to you and give them forgiveness when they ask for it or when they are done.  This is the time to clear the deck of past wrongdoings.  Be compassionate, but be truthful.  Speak in terms of how it hurt you or embarrassed you and try to stay away from being mad.  NOT ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS OR FRIENDS LET ME DO THIS.  Shy, uncomfortable?  Whatever.  I did mine with my sponsor.

BTW, of those that didn’t listen to my apology and truth, or brushed it off as unimportant, most bear grudges to this day and/or are alcoholics themselves.  Most have not forgotten what I did and bring it up when they are mad.  There is a wonderful cleansing in being truthful about what you did and allowing another to do the same, in asking for forgiveness and in giving it.  It is a special kind of cleansing.

I plan on writing a few times on various aspects of addiction in this A-to-Z challenge.  Check back!

       

However, I am now agreeing to the  Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial 4.0 International License, which you can learn more about by visiting the site, or, visit my web page for a more user-friendly summary on my terms.  My blog posts can be reposted; please link back to zenkatwrites.
All images courtesy D.KatiePowellArt!

Advertisements

About dkatiepowellart

hollywood baby turned beach gurl turned steel&glass city gurl turned cowgurl turned herb gurl turned green city gurl. . . artist writer photographer. . . cat lover but misses our big dogs, gone to heaven. . . buddhist and interested in the study of spiritual traditions. . . foodie, organic, lover of all things mik, partner in conservation business mpfconservation, consummate blogger, making a dream happen, insomniac who is either reading buddhist teachings or not-so-bloody mysteries or autobio journal thangs early in the morning when i can't sleep
This entry was posted in addiction, autobiography, courage, journal, loss, process and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to A is for Addiction (and, Alcoholism)

  1. viewpacific says:

    Reblogged this on View Pacific and commented:
    Powerful wisdom! Addiction is not only to alcohol or other substances. Those make it worse, for sure. No, addiction has its roots in our ego and imagination about what we can or can’t control. Cultivating gratitude, staying awake to reality, and
    acceptance can help.

  2. Sammy D. says:

    You are very courageous for being willing to share your journey and insights with others. Addiction is a disease; one the addict fights every day, no matter what kind of addiction. Your list of misconceptions is excellent. I would add, from experience, no one can rescue someone who doesn’t want to change. You have to recognize when you’ve done all you can and not take on their illness. That is very hard when it is someone you love.

    • zenkatwrites says:

      Thanks Sammy. I don’t feel courageous, because I had no fear of talking about it. In fact, what prompted me was hearing a friend who said she thought that she was supposed to be silent about her own addiction. Also, maybe at 30 I would have been reticent for even a client to know, but really, if anyone has a problem with it then it is their problem. I am now long into this and see that silence hurts and being open helps SOMEONE, and I am over the fear of people knowing.

      I could not agree more about rescuing. I wanted to move through it; my brother would not. It might have helped if we all had been on the same page, as he did the rounds until gradually everyone in the family agreed with me, but by then another 15-20 years had transpired. The person really has to be ready to get through their addiction, whatever it is. Best, Kate

      • Sammy D. says:

        Thanks, Kate. I appreciate your comments. Our personal journeys are each unique, but it does help to connect with others who have overcome the disease or understand what it’s like to lose a family member or a marriage because of it. See you on Wednesday.

  3. Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me says:

    I hope you felt much less alone once you started sharing your story. You have given us a phenomenal amount (and quality)of info!

    • zenkatwrites says:

      I don’t feel much alone in my dis-ease anymore. I wish that more people talking about it would open up the world to how many people’s lives are directly or indirectly affected by it. Thanks, Andrea!

  4. susanissima says:

    You are so honest and organized in your approach, zkat, and getting your highly personal message out is just what people with addiction challenges need to hear. I would love to post this, with your permission, love. May I, please?

  5. akaimiko says:

    Yeah it’s true about the detoxing. When you overload your system you have to let your system clear it out at a safe pace. Don’t want to shock it, or yes, you will die. Such an informative and honest post about addiction! It was such an enlightening read! Thank you so much for sharing with us!

Love to hear from you....

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s